Under the Mistletoe
by gryffingirl77
Summary: A little piece of Christmas Nigel & Jordan fluff. Finished! Please review, thanks!
1. Chapter 1

I knew the minute the elevator doors opened and I could hear the faint strains of Christmas music over the intercom that something was up.

My brow furrowed as I stepped into the morgue and was assaulted by a barrage of Christmas decorations. Garland hung from the front desk, a garishly lit Christmas tree stood in the corner, Christmas-y knickknacks sat on various tables and countertops.

It looked like a Christmas store threw up in the morgue.

I glanced around, wondering if anyone else found this as bizarre as I did. True, it was Christmas Eve, but we had never had Christmas decorations and Christmas music. About the closest to Christmas decorations we had ever gotten was a scrawny, pathetic poinsettia plant the year before.

I clutched my coffee cup, and wondered where everyone was.

A roar of laughter came from down the hall, meaning that most likely that's where everyone had run off to.

I walked down the hall, pulling off my scarf and gloves. I found everyone in Autopsy One, which had been transformed into a Winter Wonderland.

More decorations, more Christmas music. Another Christmas tree, and a buffet of food and drink set up on a festively tableclothed autopsy table.

I tried not to think to deeply about that as I walked in the room. Nigel, Bug, Lily and Dr. Macey were standing around the autopsy table, munching on snacks and laughing.

"Hey, guys," I said lightly, trying not to betray my confusion.

"Jordan, good, you're here! We were hoping you wouldn't miss our party," Lily said, grinning. She was wearing a red sweater with sequined poinsettia's and Christmas light earrings that blinked on and off. She was grinning widely and strewing tinsel on the Christmas tree. She looked like some kind of demented Jewish Christmas Elf.

"Um, Lily…you did all of this?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah, of course," she said brightly.

"But, aren't you…Jewish?" I asked.

She roared with laughter. "My _Dad_ was Jewish, but my Mom wasn't," she said. "After Dad left we stopped celebrating Hanukkah and started doing Christmas."

"Huh," I said. "You didn't do all of…this…last year." I stated, waving a hand at all the Christmas paraphernalia.

"I wasn't here for Christmas last year," she said.

"Wow," was all I could think of to say.

"This isn't the real party," Lily said matter-of-factly. "That will be later, after everyone's finished with their assignments.

"Oh, yeah, that," I said. "Right."

The pre-party party broke up then, and everyone went off in their own directions. I dropped my coat, gloves and scarf in my office before heading to the crypt to find my first autopsy.

I was lost in thought as I made my way back down the hall to the crypt and ran smack into a tall, hard body.

"Oof," I said, as I sloshed now-lukewarm coffee on my hand, down my arm and onto a white t-shirt with a funky black rose design. "Sorry, Nige," I said, as I looked up into Nigel Townsend's expressive black eyes.

"No worries, luv," Nigel said with a bright grin. "The shirt was altogether too white for my taste anyway."

I grimaced at the rapidly spreading double-mocha stain. "I'll pay to get it cleaned," I offered.

"Nah, no worries, Jordan. It'll come off," Nigel said with a wink. How the hell the guy could be that damn cheerful at eight in the morning was beyond me.

With a jaunty wave Nigel went his way and I went mine.

I sighed heavily as I watched him go.

Nigel Townsend. Nigel was my best friend in the office. Okay, he was really my best friend period. He and I had spent countless hours together at work, and countless hours together after work, getting drinks at my Dad's bar. Sometimes Lily, Bug or Garrett would join us, but a lot of the time it was just the two of us.

I had felt an affinity with Nigel from my first day at the morgue. He had a dark, skewed sense of humor, not unlike mine. And we had lots in common, from our taste in music to our love of Guinness.

There was a time when I thought Nigel and I could be more than just buds, but he had never made a move, and I wasn't about to make the first move. It wasn't in my makeup. Then Woody Hoyt came into the picture and in his All American Boy Next Door way, completely distracted me from obsessing over Nigel, who obviously wasn't interested in me. There couldn't have been two more opposite people than Nigel and Woody, and Woody was definitely the complete opposite of my 'type', if I had a 'type'.

Well, things with Woody went about as well as any other relationship I had ever been involved in. I had, over the course of the months we were…almost together…to sabotage the relationship in every way possible.

I have many theories as to why that is. Foremost in my mind is the realization that I always knew things would never work out between us, so it didn't matter anyway. In my screwed up way of thinking, it was easier to go into it knowing it wouldn't work, than to go into it thinking it would. Then, when it all went to hell, as it always did, you didn't hurt quite so much.

I went into Autopsy 3 and got into my scrubs and began my first autopsy of the day, on an old man that had been hit by a car. On Christmas Eve, of all things.

My mind wandered back to my love life. Or lack thereof. I sometimes thought that I purposely picked unavailable guys. Guys that I knew wouldn't commit, guys that I didn't _really _care about. It was part of a self-defense mechanism, or so I had been told by Dr. Stiles, our resident shrink.

I knew, deep down, that I cared for Nigel much more than I would admit. Even when I was…involved with Woody, Nigel was the one I went to when I needed to talk, needed to drink, needed to just….be. Nigel always let me be me. He never tried to change me, never wanted to hold me back. When I had one of my crazy ideas he didn't tell me that I was nuts, he asked what he could do to help.

That was why I had become so obsessed with Woody. Because I knew full well that I cared about Nige and I knew full well how badly he could hurt me if he didn't feel the same way. I was all about taking the path of least resistance. It seemed contrary for me to say that I didn't want to take a risk. I was known for the risks I took for my job. But my job was one thing.

My heart was another matter entirely.

But it was funny. Ever since things with Woody and me had gone south, I had started to realize a lot of things. When Devan came in to the picture, all blonde and cheerleadery, I had been struck, at first, with incredible jealousy.

It took me a while to realize what I was jealous _of._ I wasn't jealous of Devan, I wasn't jealous that Woody cared about her more than me, because_ I_ didn't really care about Woody.

It was just that I was jealous of the whole idea of caring about someone and having them care for you in return. The whole concept of love was foreign to me.

Then Devan had died and all of the resulting bullshit with Woody had happened, right up till now when we could barely even speak to each other.

I was okay with it now. Oh, I admit I wasn't okay with it for a good long while. It hurt, even though I didn't love him. More than anything, it hurt to lose the camaraderie that we had had, once upon a time.

But that was then, and now here I was, facing the thought of yet another lonely Christmas. Hell, this year I didn't even have my Dad, since he was still of 'finding himself', whatever that bullshit meant.

I sighed as I finished up the autopsy. I had managed to put myself in an even worse mood than I had started out in.

During a quick break between autopsies, I found myself in the kitchen, stirring disgusting powdered cream into a cup of stale coffee. I was staring into the cup, at the floating creamer islands when a voice from behind me startled me and almost made me drop the cup.

"Everything alright, luv?" Nigel asked.

I turned around and gave Nigel a half-smile. "Oh yeah. I'm fine. Just suffering from a bout of holiday depression," I said.

Nigel furrowed his brow and gave me a concerned look. "What is it, Jordan? You want to talk about it?"

I shrugged and took a sip of coffee, grimacing against the taste, but drinking it anyway because I needed the caffeine. "Oh, you know. The holidays just suck," I said.

Nigel raised an eyebrow. "Why is that, luv?"

As it always did, my heart fluttered a little with his endearment, even though I knew it didn't really mean anything. It was just one of his Britishisms.

I shrugged again. "Oh, I don't know," I said with a sigh. "Christmas used to be fun and exciting, but now that I'm old, it's just different."

Nigel snorted. "You're not old."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean. And then with my Dad gone, the thought of being alone…" I snapped my jaw shut, shocked that I had just said that. What was I thinking? I didn't want anyone's pity, and if Nigel said anything to anyone someone might invite me over to their Christmas out of some skewed sense of guilt and I'd be mortified! "Oh, forget it. It's not a big deal. It's just Christmas," I said flippantly. I gagged down the rest of the coffee and tossed the Styrofoam cup into the trash before making a hasty retreat back to the autopsy room, leaving Nigel starting after me, a decidedly befuddled look on his face.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." I muttered to myself as I slipped on a pair of latex gloves to start my next autopsy. I chalked it up to being tired and pushed it out of my mind as I focused on yet another dead body.

The rest of the day crept by, and when my shift was finally over I snuck back to my office and grabbed my coat, scarf and gloves and tried to make a quick getaway before the "Christmas Party" started.

I slunk around the corner and hit the down button, glancing furtively around. There was no one around, and I breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator dinged, thinking I was going to make a clean escape.

The elevator doors slid open and I practically dove into the elevator, very nearly plowing Lily down as she came out, carrying a white box with "Landry's Pastries" across the top.

She was now wearing a pair of brown felt reindeer antlers, and she looked crushed when she saw me. "Jordan, you're not leaving are you?" she asked. "The party's just starting!"

"I, uh…" I stuttered.

"Oh, c'mon Jordan! It'll be fun. You don't have to stay long, but come in for a minute! I even got a Yule log," she said, waving the box at me.

I sighed heavily. As much as I didn't want to have to go to the party, I knew I couldn't disappoint Lily. She had done a lot for me over the years, and very rarely asked for anything in return.

"Okay, okay," I said, "But I can't stay long."

Lily grinned. "That's okay! Thanks, Jordan!" She headed off down the hall and I followed, rolling my eyes.

We entered Autopsy One and found Nigel, Bug and Garrett already there. They were drinking what appeared to be Eggnog and talking and laughing.

Lily was arranging the Yule log on a crystal tray, and everyone looked up when I came in the room.

"Jordan! We were wondering where you were," Garrett said. "Have some Eggnog, it's great!"

I took the cup he handed me and took a sip and was more than a little surprised when it burned all the way down. Apparently someone had spiked the Eggnog, and judging by the way Garrett and Bug were singing along, off key, to the Christmas carols playing over the intercom, the party had been underway for a little while.

I stayed on the fringes while everyone talked and laughed and ate. There were sandwiches, a holiday ham, cheese and crackers as well as the Yule log. Lily had gone all out.

Soon conversation came around to everyone's holiday plans. Lily, it seemed, was joining Bug and his family for Christmas. Garrett was spending the holiday with his ex and his daughter. Nigel was going to party at a friend's house.

"What about you, Jordan?" Lily asked, and I could see the concern in her eyes.

"Oh, I'm going to a friend's house," I said lightly and Nigel gave me a probing look, which I ignored.

The party was winding down, and I decided it was as good a time as any to make my escape.

"Speaking of," I said, looking at my watch, "I should get going so I'm not late. Lisa will be all upset."

At that Nigel raised an eyebrow, which I also ignored.

"I should get going, too," he said quickly. I scowled at him, wondering what was up.

There was a round of hugs and happy holiday wishes when I finally made it to the doorway. "See you all on Monday," I said, trying to slip by Nigel, who was also slipping out the door.

"Hey, wait!" Lily said suddenly.

Nigel and I both froze and looked back. "What?" I said.

"Look up!" Lily said, practically jumping up and down in her excitement.

As one Nigel and I looked up, only to see a sprig of mistletoe, bedecked with a bright red ribbon. I felt my face turn the same color as the ribbon as I glanced over at Nigel, who was looking at the mistletoe with an unreadable expression on his face. I couldn't quite tell, but he almost looked pained.

"C'mon, c'mon, you have to kiss!" Lily said.

"Yeah, kiss her, Nige," Bug said, waving a glass of Eggnog.

I was afraid if we didn't just do it they were going to start a 'Kiss her!' chant, so without further adieu, I leaned up towards Nigel, prepared to give him a friendly smack on the cheek.

But before my lips made contact Nigel looked down at me with a fiery look in his black eyes and he slid his arms around my waist and lowered his lips to mine.

This was not your average mistletoe peck of a kiss. Nigel pulled him towards me in a kiss that curled my toes. I was half surprised that the smoke alarms didn't go off.

And, before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, pouring ten years of longing and frustration into that kiss.

His lips were soft and smooth and he tasted of eggnog and chocolate. My nose was filled with the scent of his spicy cologne and his body was strong and hard against me.

When the kiss finally ended I pulled back and looked at Nigel, my heart racing. He looked back, a hint of amusement in his black eyes.

We only looked away when a round of applause came from inside Autopsy One. I knew my face was flushed, and I tried to make my face blank before looking back at the rest of the gang, who were staring at me and Nigel as if one or both of us had just sprouted another head.

"Wow," Bug breathed. "I need to get me some of that mistletoe."

Lily was looking at me approvingly and Garrett winked, thought I don't know if it was directed towards me or Nige.

Feeling incredibly uncomfortable, I glanced back at Nigel, who still hadn't said a word. He seemed to be waiting for something, but I had no idea what.

I nibbled on my bottom lip, but when it was apparent that Nigel wasn't going to say anything, I decided to just play it down and I laughed. "Wow. Maybe we should have mistletoe around the office all the time," I said without thinking, then mentally kicked myself.

"Well, I should get going," I said. "I need to get to Elaine's."

"I thought you were going to Lisa's," Nigel stated.

"Oh, well, Lisa will be there, too," I covered quickly. "Happy holidays, all," I said, and gave an awkward little wave before practically running towards the elevator.

I hit the down button and the doors slid open. I practically leapt inside and frantically hit the 'door close' button.

The doors were just sliding closed when Nigel came skidding around the corner. "Jordan, wait!" he called, trying awkwardly to slip into his black wool coat, his scarf hanging lopsidedly around his neck. But the doors slid shut, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

XxX Please review! Chapter 2 Coming Soon! XxXx


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all! Thanks so much for the reviews! I appreciate them so much!

This story has kinda gotten out of control. What started out as a one-shot ficlet is turning into a short story. So here's Chapter 2, with more to come in just a few days!

Please review, thank you!

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What the hell was that? I thought, trying to will my heartbeat back to normal. I determinedly ignored the fluttering in my stomach and ran a hand through my hair. Where the hell had that kiss come from? Nigel had been acting like my brother for the last who knows how long and then he gives me a practically R rated kiss under the mistletoe in front of everyone? He'd probably had a few too many Eggnogs, I decided. He didn't know what he was doing. If I was lucky he would forget all about it by Monday.

The elevator stopped in the lobby and I walked as fast as I could towards the parking lot. I was just unlocking the door to my '67 El Camino when I heard my name.

"Jordan, wait up!"

I glanced over and cursed my mutinous heart as it fluttered anxiously when I saw Nigel running full tilt towards me. He skidded on a patch of ice, managed somehow to keep his balance, and came to a stop in front of me. For a tall, skinny guy who was all gangly arms and legs, he was unusually graceful, I noticed.

"Jordan, just wait a minute!" he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I have to go," I said. "I have to be at Karen's."

He gave me a speculative look. "That's three different houses you're supposed to be at right now, Jordan," he said. "I don't suppose you have a couple of clones around, do you?"

I scowled at him.

"You don't have anywhere to be tonight, do you Jordan?" he asked. "You're not going over to anyone's house. If I had to wager a guess, I'd say you're going to go home and drown yourself in a bottle or two of Guinness."

"It's none of your business what I'm doing tonight, Nigel," I snapped, glaring at him.

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yes, Nigel, you're right. You're brilliant. Now, I need to go," I said. I was angry at myself for admitting he was right, but I was even more angry with him for being right and being able to read me as well as he could.

He sighed heavily. "I'm not going to let you spend Christmas alone," he said. "C'mon luv, come over to my place. We'll get some Chinese delivered and watch _It's a Wonderful Life_."

"I don't think so," I said, shaking my head. "You have a party to go to."

He rolled his eyes. "There is a party going on," he said. "That doesn't mean I have to or even _want_ to go."

I sighed again.

"C'mon, let's go to my place."

I looked at him speculatively. There was something different about him, but I couldn't quite tell what it was. There was a look on his face that I couldn't quite read, but the look in his eyes got my stomach fluttering again.

"Okay, let's go," I said. Then, remembering that it was winter and Nigel took the train when he couldn't ride his bike, I unlocked the door and motioned for him to get in the passenger side.

He complied and we rode in silence to his apartment. The only sound was Sting singing a Christmas song on my favorite alternative station.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the party?" I asked as we neared his place.

"I'm sure. It'll just be a bunch of guys getting wankered," he said.

I nodded as I pulled into a rare coveted spot right in front of Nigel's apartment building. I had dropped Nigel off countless times after a night at the Pogue, but I had never been invited upstairs.

I put the car in park. I glanced sideways at Nigel. He was watching me, brow furrowed in thought. When he saw me looking he just smiled and said, "Well, let's go."

I nodded, noting the almost physical sense of tension that filled the car.

We walked up three flights of stairs to Nigel's apartment. He unlocked the door and motioned me in. I walked inside, not knowing what to expect from Nigel Townsend's apartment.

It wasn't at all what I might have pictured, and it definitely didn't fit the profile of a bachelor pad, with stale pizza boxes and porno magazines strewn around.

"I'm going to go change my shirt," Nigel said and disappeared through a doorway that probably led to his bedroom.

The apartment was small and slightly cluttered, but it was clean. A giant Union Jack hung on the wall above a black leather couch and there was an entertainment center with a large TV and DVD player. There was a Playstation hooked up to the TV, and game boxes were stacked on a glass coffee table. A small desk held a top of the line computer and bookshelves covered one wall, filled with books and computer magazines.

I looked around, interested in seeing Nigel's home away from work. When I finished looking around I turned around and found Nigel coming out of the bedroom, wearing a black Ramones t-shirt.

"Meet with your approval?" he asked with a grin.

I laughed. "I like your place. It's very…you," I said.

"Very me?" he said. "How's that?"

I shrugged. "Oh I don't know. The Union Jack, the Playstation. It's all very Nigel."

"Well, thanks, luv. I think," Nigel said, plopping down on the couch. He picked up a package from the coffee table and took out a chocolate flavored cookie and popped it in his mouth.

"Biscuit?" he said, holding out the package.

I took the package and looked at it. "What are these?" I asked as I sat on the couch next to him.

"They're McV's," he said matter-of-factly, like I should have known that.

I rolled my eyes. "That's helpful."

"They're biscuits. Cookies, as you American's put it. The very best, straight from England."

"Ooh, really?" I said. "Where'd you get 'em?"

"My Aunt Bea sent them to me," Nigel said. "In my Christmas package."

I nodded and bit into a cookie. It was excellent, light and crispy with a milk chocolate coating. "Mmm," I said approvingly.

Nigel shrugged, as if to say "I told ya so."

"Is it pretty hard being this far away from your family?" I asked.

Nigel took a deep breath and popped another cookie. "Well," he said around a mouthful of crumbs. "Yeah, it is," he said, nodding. "I haven't seen my family in fifteen years. Since I came to the States."

"Tell me about your family," I said, trying to ignore the fact that I was sitting hip to hip with Nigel Townsend on his couch, alone in his apartment.

"Well," he said. "My Mum died when I was little. My father was in the British Royal Navy and wasn't around much. He wanted me to follow in his military footsteps, and I was in the Navy for a couple of years before I left, then I came to the States not long after. He was disappointed in me, of course.

"My Aunt Bea practically raised me. She's a character. She's more Mum to me that my real Mum, who was her sister. I have an older sister, Abby, who's married and has a few rug rats."

I nodded, enjoying this insight into Nigel's past, which was something that he rarely talked about at work. He talked about England, of course, but rarely of his family.

There was a silence then. It was awkward and uncomfortable and filled with tension. I wondered if Nigel was thinking about our kiss. I sure was.

"Well," Nige said suddenly, standing up and clapping his hands together. "I don't know about you, but I'm famished."

"The holiday ham didn't fill you up, eh?" I asked with a smirk.

Nigel shuddered. "Ugh. No. I'm feeling like some Charlie Chow's. Wotcha think?"

"Sounds awesome," I said.

Nigel picked up a cordless phone and hit the speed dial. He glanced over at me and I raised an eyebrow. "Call for take out a lot?" I asked.

Nigel rolled his eyes and ignored me as he rambled off his order. We had ordered Chinese food so many times that he knew exactly what I wanted without even asking. I felt a little tightening in my stomach as I realized how well we knew each other. It probably sounded pretty stupid, but there was a certain sort of intimacy when you knew someone so well that you knew how they drank their coffee or that they preferred Mu Shu Pork and chow mein with crunchy noodles.

I shook my head, chastising myself for being an idiot.

"They'll be here in a half hour," Nigel said, placing the phone back on its charger.

"Coolness," I said.

"Want to watch a movie?" he asked. "I have _It's a Wonderful Life_. Or _Miracle on 34th Street_."

I stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Somehow I just don't picture you as the type to watch sappy Christmas movies," I said.

Nigel gave me an offended look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I shrugged. "I don't know," I said, "I just didn't…I don't know. Never mind."

"You didn't know that Christmas is my favorite holiday? It is. Aunt Bea always made Christmas awesome for me and Abby. That's one thing that's hard about being away from home. The holidays."

"Huh. I always pictured you as liking Halloween more than Christmas," I said.

"Halloween's good, too," Nigel said.

There was a pause then, and after a minute Nigel said, "Well, I'm going to pop in a movie, if that's alright with you."

"Sure," I said.

Nigel stood up and took out a DVD and popped it in to the player. He sat back down and a few minutes later _It's a Wonderful Life_ filled the screen.

I had a hard time concentrating on the movie, which I had actually only seen maybe once or twice. I was entirely too distracted by Nigel Townsend sitting next to me on the couch.

We were interrupted once by Chinese food, which we ate on our laps on the couch as we watched the movie. Chinese food on Christmas Eve, I thought. It was a little bit different from the feasts I remembered as a kid, with turkey and ham and real mashed potatoes. Somehow there just didn't seem to be much that was Christmas-y about MuShu Pork.

When the movie ended Nigel turned to me and asked what I thought.

I pasted on a big fake smile, trying to cover up the fact that I hadn't paid attention to the movie. "It was great," I said. Then, for lack of anything more intelligent to say, I said, "So why don't you have a Christmas tree?"

He shrugged. "Too much work for just one person," he replied. I nodded in understanding, thinking of my bleak apartment, devoid of any trace of Christmas spirit. Which wasn't too surprising, since I myself was devoid of any Christmas spirit.

"Ya know what? We should get a Christmas tree. I have ornaments. It's Christmas Eve, we should have a Christmas tree," Nigel said suddenly.

I looked at him, slightly alarmed. "Why?"

He looked offended. "Why? Because, tomorrow's Christmas."

"It's Christmas Eve," I said doubtfully. "There probably isn't a Christmas tree to be found."

He shrugged. "We can try. It'll be fun."

I didn't think there was much that sounded fun about tromping around in the snow that had started falling, trying to find a Christmas tree that would be up for what? A few days. But, Nigel had been nice enough to invite me over, the least I could do was go along with his plan. Even if it did sound nuts.

We bundled up and walked downstairs. "There's a tree lot on the corner," Nige said with a grin.

I followed him down the street, and I had a sudden urge to hold his hand. This was all so…homey. Watching a Christmas movie, going to buy a tree to decorate. It made me start to think things that I knew I had no business thinking.

Like settling down, starting a family. Things that I knew were not in the cards for Jordan Cavanaugh.

We got to the corner lot just as the guy running the tree stand was closing up, probably so he could spend the holiday with his family.

Pickings were slim, but Nigel gamely walked around the few trees, picking just the right one. A light snow was falling, and it was incredibly cold. He finally stopped in front of the least scrawny of the trees. "How bout this one, luv?"

I nodded. I couldn't feel my feet and didn't really care either way. I was starting to feel extremely Grinchy about the whole thing. What was Nigel pulling, trying to have a homey little Christmas?

Nigel paid for the tree, and the tree guy smiled at us. "First Christmas together?" he asked.

"Yup," Nigel said, giving me a wink. "The first of many, hopefully."

I scowled at him, but he was already looking away, picking up the Christmas tree.

xX Please review! Thanks! Xx


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your reviews! I so appreciate them!

This is the 3rd and final Chapter. I hope you enjoy, and don't forget to review. Also, I hope you have a safe and happy holiday season!

Thank you!

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We walked the short distance back to Nigel's apartment, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I was thinking about Christmas's past. The fun Christmas's when I was a kid, with my Mom and Dad. The first Christmas's after my Mom had died, when my Dad was so depressed. The many Christmas's spent away from home with Tyler, and more recently alone. I tried to remember the last time I had a really good Christmas, but I couldn't really think of one. Even though my Dad had been around last year, we had barely been speaking.

I sighed heavily as I followed Nigel up the stairs to his apartment. We went inside and Nigel plopped the tree in front of the Union Jack on the wall.

"Perfect," he said. "I'll be right back, luv."

He disappeared through the bedroom door, and re-emerged a few minutes later with a battered looking box that read "X-Mas Décor". He set it on the floor and opened it up.

Out came a string of multi-colored lights. He plugged them in and grinned when they worked. He wrapped them haphazardly around the tree, then dug through the b ox, pulling out various tissue-wrapped ornaments.

"You going to help, luv, or just watch me?" Nigel asked, raising an eyebrow.

I fought back another sigh and got off the couch and joined Nigel on the floor next to the tree. I unwrapped an ornament that was shaped like a motorcycle.

"My motorbike!" Nigel said. "My Aunt Bea gave me that one."

One after another we unwrapped pieces of Nigel's past, and I was struck by the fact that even though I had known Nigel for over ten years, I had known very little about him, about his life. And even as I felt my earlier Grinchiness disappear, I realized with a pang how much I cared about Nigel, despite all of my caution, and all of my fears.

"Everything alright, luv?" Nigel said suddenly, breaking my train of thought. I realized with a start that I had been sitting there, staring at him.

"Oh, yeah, fine. Sorry," I said, cursing myself for sounding like an idiot.

"Well, hang that last one and we're all done," Nigel said.

I looked at the ornament. It was a harp inscribed with "Guinness" along the side. I grinned. "Nice," I said.

Nigel laughed. "From my favorite pub in London," he said.

I hung the harp next to the motorbike and we stood back to admire our handiwork.

"Looks great," Nigel said.

"Yeah, it does," I agreed, looking more at Nigel than at the tree.

We sat back down on the couch, the room glowing with the light from the tree. It was so nice, being here with Nigel. I could get used to this, I thought.

And then it happened. That old familiar fear grabbed hold of me and I panicked. What was I thinking? Letting myself get this close to Nigel? I had kissed him, for Pete's sake. And I was contemplating a future with him, a family? What was wrong with me? Not only did I have no idea how he felt about me, but I knew all too well that I was completely incapable of having a normal relationship. My prior relationships were proof of that!

"I should get going," I said suddenly.

Nigel looked surprised. "Why?"

"It's getting late," I said.

"Um. Yeah. So what?"

"I just…I should get going," I said, irritated.

Nigel stared at me. "It's Christmas Eve," he stated.

"I know that."

"C'mon Jordan, stay here, don't spend Christmas alone."

"It doesn't matter. It's just Christmas. It's not a big deal," I shrugged.

"Jordan, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"I thought we were having fun," he said.

"We were."

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I said.

He sighed. "Right."

I felt the sudden pressure of someone trying to make me talk about what I was feeling when I didn't want to. It was an old familiar feeling. I never wanted to talk about how I felt, or what I was thinking. I shook my head and tried to ignore the subtle, hurt look in Nigel's eyes. I tried to ignore the way his face went blank as he stood up and said, "Okay, fine. Never mind."

I was torn. Part of me wanted to ask him what he was thinking, while the other part of me knew I had no business asking him that question when I knew full well there was no way in hell I would answer it.

I stood up, keeping my eyes down and avoiding Nigel's gaze at all cost. I picked my coat up off the couch where I had tossed it and headed towards the door. Nigel followed me silently. When I got to the door I turned the dead bolt, and then turned around to face him.

He was looking at me with the most unreadable expression in his eyes. I almost thought I could see sympathy, mixed in with the hurt that he seemed to be trying very hard not to show. He kept his face blank as he put a hand on my arm and said, very softly, "You don't have to go."

I gritted my teeth against the sudden urge to pour my heart out. To tell him how I felt about him. To, for once in my useless life, do the right thing instead of running like a scared rabbit.

But that was too much. I couldn't do it. I couldn't face his rejection. And I couldn't face the fact that I knew full well that no one could ever love me. I was far too screwed up.

I took a deep breath, completely confused and overwhelmed by my emotions. I wasn't used to them being this out of control. No matter how screwed up I usually felt, I was usually completely in control. I could hide my feelings, act like nothing was wrong even when I was falling apart. But right then, looking into Nigel's sympathetic dark eyes, I felt my world spinning out of control. I felt the walls that I had carefully built around my heart starting to crumble.

And I felt something that I wasn't sure I had ever felt before.

Hope.

My heart was racing, and I was torn. But the fear won out and I said, "Thanks for the Chinese and for having me over." I was proud to note that despite my turbulent emotions, my voice was mostly steady.

Nigel looked down at me, and I could see that he seemed to be struggling with something. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then he shook his head. "Bloody hell," he muttered. There was another pause, then "Ah, screw it."

Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

Without thinking, I slid my arms up around his shoulders. I leaned into his kiss and closed my eyes. And while a voice in the back of my mind was screaming in panic, the feel of Nigel's lips on mine effectively shut it out, and I lost myself in Nigel's kiss.

The kiss finally ended, with Nigel pulling back ever so slightly to look at me. I opened my eyes and looked at him, both shocked and excited to see the desire that was plain as day in his gaze.

"Um," I said.

"What, luv?" Nigel said.

"Uh," I said.

Nigel smiled, and there was a look of a very satisfied cat that had just eaten the canary in his look. "Are you still going to leave?"

I thought about it. And suddenly I couldn't figure out why I had wanted to leave in the first place. My stomach felt as if an entire flock of seagulls had taken up residence. The fears that had been urging me to leave seemed to disappear as I smiled up at Nigel.

He led me back to the living room, slipping my coat off and tossing it on the arm of the couch as we sat down.

He didn't say anything. He didn't pressure me to talk. He didn't do anything but sit next to me, holding my hand.

Waiting.

I nibbled on my bottom lip. I was pretty damn sure now how Nigel felt about me. And I started to realize that it had always been pretty obvious, but that my own fears of rejection and of being hurt had kept me from seeing it.

I thought about all the times he had been there for me, standing by me even when I did stuff that would have gotten both of us in major trouble at work. I thought about all the times he had gone out with me for drinks and listened to me yammer on about Tyler or Woody or any other number of guys that I didn't care about but couldn't seem to get rid of. Nigel had always been there for me, and I had always taken it for granted that he always would be.

But lately, as we had been starting to drift apart I had started realizing the depths of my feelings for him. And it had scared me shitless, and sent me running right to Woody Hoyt.

I shook my head at my own foolishness.

Trust didn't come easily to me. I had been hurt too many times. But as I sat there, holding Nigel's hand, I realized that I had always trusted Nigel 100 percent.

Christmas was supposed to be about giving. And as I sat there, looking at Nigel's tree, feeling warm and safe by his side, I realized a few things.

The greatest gift that I could give myself was to, for once in my life, take a chance. Take the risk of getting hurt. No matter what happened at least I would know that I had tried.

"Nige," I said hesitantly.

"Yes, luv?" he said, and my heart fluttered again.

"Nige, I…" Damnit, I thought. This was not as easy as it seemed.

Nigel looked at me, and a slow smile spread across his face, and his eyes sparkled. Then he grinned.

"What?" I said self-consciously.

"Oh, Jordan, luv. I know," he said.

My heart skipped a beat. "You know what?"

"What you're trying to say."

"What am I trying to say?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Oh no you don't," he said. "Just because I know what you're trying to say doesn't mean _I'm_ going to say it."

I huffed a little, then rolled my eyes when I realized he was right, and that I was still trying to take the easy way out. I struggled, trying to decide what to say, how to say it.

"I love you, Nigel Townsend," I blurted out finally, and felt my face turn scarlet.

Nigel grinned triumphantly. Then he laughed.

"What? Why are you laughing at me?" I demanded, feeling self-conscious again.

"Oh, luv, I'm not laughing at you," he said. "I'm laughing because I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth."

I smiled. "Really?"

"I've been waiting a long time, Jordan Cavanaugh," he said, then leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Really?" I said again. I was having a hard time getting my mind around the idea that Nigel might have been thinking about me like I had been thinking about him.

He sighed heavily. "Yes, Jordan. I've been waiting around, waiting for any kind of a sign that you thought of me as anything more than just a friend. I was already starting to lose hope that it would ever happen when Woody came along and I figured there wasn't a chance in hell that you'd like me if you liked someone like him."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked curiously. I looked down at our entwined hands and smiled.

Nigel rolled his eyes. "C'mon Jordan. Woody is my exact opposite. I would think you would have had to notice that."

"Yeah…well…there's a reason for that," I said sheepishly.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah…" I said slowly. "I, uh…Well…The thing is, I went for Woody to keep my mind off of you." I said the last part in a rush.

Nigel raised an eyebrow. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm not. I mean it. You were too much of a threat."

Both eyebrows rose this time. "A threat?"

I laughed. "Yes, a threat. I knew how much I cared for you and I knew that you could hurt me. And I wasn't going to let that happen. Woody was…well, I knew that I could never really care about someone like him, someone who didn't understand me. He just thinks that I'm screwed up."

"Of course you're screwed up. I wouldn't like you nearly as much if you weren't," Nigel said, giving me a wicked grin and I laughed.

There was a brief silence, then Nigel leaned over and kissed me. The kiss was soft and sweet and filled with promises. When Nigel pulled back he smiled at me and brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes. "You know, I love you, too Jordan. I've loved you for longer than you can imagine. I just thought there was no way you could ever care about me. I watched you go through relationship after relationship and I just couldn't figure out why. You're so…wonderful. You're brilliant and fun and you have a wicked sense of humor. I couldn't figure out how these guys could keep letting you go."

I snorted. "I don't know that they really 'let me go.' More like I gave 'em a good healthy shove out the door. I have a tendency to push men away."

Nigel laughed. "Well, either way, I'm just glad that it happened." Then he paused and looked at me sheepishly. "That doesn't sound so good, does it, luv?"

It was my turn to laugh. "I know what you're saying," I said, remembering a time not too long ago when Nigel had fallen for a woman with a little girl. Turned out the woman was psychotic, but for a while I thought I had lost him with my stupidity.

Nigel stood up and turned off the light, then sat back down on the couch next to me. The only light came from the multi-colored lights wrapped around the Christmas tree. I leaned over and snuggled into Nigel's chest. He put an arm around me and stroked my hair gently.

"You know that I'm not an easy person to be with, right? You know that I'm stubborn and obstinate and that I have absolutely no idea how to be in a normal relationship," I said, thinking I should warn him.

Nigel sighed. "Jordan, I've known you over ten years. I think I know you pretty well. And as far as a 'normal' relationship goes, there's no such thing. We just have to give it our best. I love you, and I want to be with you."

"I love you, too, Nigel," I whispered. I liked seeing this side of Nigel. A soft, gentle side that seemed like it should be completely at odds with his normal wacky self. But somehow, it seemed to fit. And I knew that being in a relationship with Nigel wouldn't affect our friendship. In fact, I thought that our friendship would just make our relationship all the better.

Just then there was a quiet dinging of a clock striking midnight.

"It's Christmas Day, luv," Nigel said softly, and kissed the top of my head. "Merry Christmas."

I sighed happily, "Merry Christmas to you, too," I replied, thinking that this was by far the best Christmas I had ever had. I could still barely believe what had happened in the last 24 hours. I was suddenly extremely grateful to Lily and her tacky Christmas decorations and her goofy Christmas party idea.

Because I had ended up with the best Christmas ever, and it had all started under the mistletoe.

The End

Merry Christmas!

xX Thanks for reading, please review! Thank you! Xx


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